Complicated? Check.

It feels like for over centuries, I have been haunting for the happiness of my life. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I thought that I could smile and nod my way through it. Pretend like it would be all okay. I always had a plan. I wanted to change who I was. Create a life as someone new. Someone without the past, without the pain. Someone alive. But it’s not that easy. The bad things stay with you. They follow you. You can’t escape them… as much as you want to. All you can do is be ready for the good… so when it comes you can invite it in because you need it. I need it. And again I decide the next day that,

“Today will be different. It has to be. I will smile and it will be believable. My smile will say: I’m fine! Yes, I feel much better. I will no longer be the sad little girl. I will start fresh, be someone new. Its the only way I’ll make through it. Fly free and walk on sunshine.”

But then the sun came up and reality set in.

I lived up the day. Actually I survived the day somehow. And at last I convinced myself,

” That its okay to give up on happiness. Don’t take risks. Stick with the status quote, no drama. Now is just not the time. But my reasons aren’t reasons, they’re excuses. All I am doing is hiding from the truth. And the truth is that… I’m scared. I’m scared that if I let myself  be happy for even one moment then the world’s just gonna come crushing down. And I don’t know if I can survive that.

Happy You, Happy Me, Happy Blogging…!!!

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